by Amy Botello
I'm currently sitting at my table with a pile of books, journals, planners and papers (oh, the papers) by my side. I keep thinking, "I will get this all sorted, done, and off the list."
This list I'm referring to happens to be called, "Amy's Big and Never Ending List of Things to Do." We all have one. It may look different for each person but it is there: in your head, on a piece of paper, in a planner, or on your phone.
This summer I've been learning a lot about the enneagram: a number-based system to designate various personality types. With nine types of personalities (i.e., The Achiever, The Peacemaker, The Challenger, etc...) you can learn a lot about how we connect in our relationships with one another. Annie F. Downs' podcast "That Sounds Fun" has a summer series dedicated to discovering these types within the enneagram and how God can use these traits to better our relationship with Him and others. So far, I've identified as a four: The Individualist. One thing to remember: all of this is meant to be a tool - not a firm identity label.
After listening to Annie F. Downs' podcast on these different numbers one thing I heard a lot of her guests say is that they are list makers: they love to check things off the list. There is satisfaction out of creating a list, looking at the to-dos physically, and achieving them one-at-a-time.
I found myself getting a little anxious every time I would hear others talk about their to-do list. I like to make lists, for sure. In fact, I LOVE to make lists. However, I make them constantly, and while I get that same satisfaction out of crossing things off it, there are many things that tend to get transferred from one list to another. I ask myself why I simply can't stop procrastinating and just get the job done? This goes for both big things in my life to the small, "it-'s-just-an-Amy-kind-of-thing" task.
For example, I've been needing to make some phone calls regarding my school loans for quite some time now. Why do I procrastinate over this? Yes, we can all agree this is a task that is daunting: no one likes to deal with their loans. Can I get an amen? As a result, it gets put onto next week's list.
Just the same, I have smaller things in life that get put off, like my desire to create playlists on my Spotify account so I can enjoy my music better. I've been putting it off for about a year now....or maybe two.
Why do things get pushed off? Is this an enneagram four thing? Why do I get anxious when I hear so many others who love making lists just like me? What's the difference between me and them? Am I alone in my frustration with never-ending lists?
After I took some time to pray and listen to the Holy Spirit, I realized why I became anxious when listening to others talk about their lists: it was because I assumed they were able to get it all done...and quickly. The reality is that they never said they got it all done - they just said they loved checking things off the list - just like me. I just believed they accomplished it all.
The anxiousness came from my own feelings of not feeling good enough, not achieving everything, not doing it all within a day or week, and even the guilt and shame from scratching it all out and starting over. It is a four thing (sigh).
Proverbs 21: 5 says, "The plans of the diligent lead surely to abundance, but everyone who is hasty comes to poverty."
In cross-reference, The Message states it like this: "Careful planning puts you ahead in the long run; hurry and scurry puts you further behind."
I use a commentary by Matthew Henry to further examine this scripture and I love what he says:
If we would live plentifully and comfortably in the world we must be diligent in our business, and not shrink from the toil and trouble of it, but prosecute it closely improving all advantages and opportunities for it, and doing what we do with all our might; yet we must not be hasty in it, nor hurry ourselves and others from it, but keep doing fair and softly, which we say, goes far in a day. With diligence there must be contrivance. The "thoughts of the diligent" are as necessary as the hand of the diligent.
Diligence, by its definition, means "careful and persistent work or effort." Contrivance, by its definition means, "the use of skill to bring something about or create something."
Put it together: We must be careful and persistent in what we are working on but it requires using our skills to make it happen.
At the end of the day this has given me peace about these lists that I make. Yes, they are important. Procrastination on a bigger level is not the best - but when prioritized correctly, it brings peace about the small things that aren't necessary for the moment. Instead I can be okay pushing the unimportant things a little further to do what is necessary with careful consideration, using the skills and gifts I have to make whatever I'm doing better.
It may be a "four thing" to dive into these things so deeply and feel a sense of comparison or envy, but it taught me what I need to do to get the job done and find peace: stop, regroup, focus, listen and do - in that order.
Perhaps we can give ourselves a break when some of those things on our lists get pushed to another list. It is okay if it all doesn't get done in a day, week, or even month. While it is nice when it does get completed like we wanted, we can give ourselves some daily doses of grace when it doesn't. Remember diligence: careful and persistent. Take a breath, friend. You are not alone.
Perhaps we can give ourselves a break when some of those things on our lists get pushed to another list. It is okay if it all doesn't get done in a day, week, or even month. While it is nice when it does get completed like we wanted, we can give ourselves some daily doses of grace when it doesn't. Remember diligence: careful and persistent. Take a breath, friend. You are not alone.
