by Amy
Family habits and traditions are a funny thing. We all grow up having certain tendencies that, if we think about them for a minute, we can trace back to our parents and siblings. For example, any time my family went on a trip (no matter how long it would be) my mother had to clean the house top to bottom. We all had our chores (to this day I hate dusting - hate it). By the time we were loading up the car my mother was finishing the last of the dishes. Everything was in its place. Her reasoning was that we would come home to a clean home. This wonderful little obsession passed on to me at an early age so when I went to college and graduate school I couldn't go anywhere overnight without cleaning my room or apartment.
Another habit I inherited from my mother was the need to unpack from a trip immediately upon arriving home. To wait even one day was irritating. Just like my mom, I come home from a trip and desperately feel the need to start the pile of laundry (if there is one), put clothes, toiletries and other odds and ends from my current trip and put them all back in their respective places. Laying my head down feels so much better knowing my suitcases are all back in their dark homes. I'll do this time and again - even if it means I'm up late...sometimes very late.
Over this last trip to Texas to see my parents, however, the "OCD" part of me has been submissive to a new inner feeling of "I don't care." I don't know how it happened, but somewhere I experienced a feeling brand new to me - I feeling that simply didn't care if unpacking waited a day or two....or three...or twenty.
Yes. I still have a suitcase sitting in my room waiting to be unpacked. Now don't go too far. All my clothes have been back in their drawers and on their hangers, freshly laundered about a day after I got back. I'm not digging in my suitcase every morning searching for my deodorant. I most certainly don't curl my hair in the mornings and put the curling iron back in the bottom of the bag.
No, the bag I'm talking about is the extra bag I had to bring with me because it carries not only things I received for Christmas but other little finds I got while on vacation. You would think I would have put it all away by now (seeing how I've been home for twenty days). Here is why I have yet to accomplish this task:
I'm weird.
Even writing this I know God is sweetly (yet firmly) speaking to me telling me I need to change. See, I have this obsession, yes, with cleaning and putting everything in its place, but before I left I didn't do the one thing I always do: clean.
Yes, I neglected my childhood teachings. Don't judge. December is supposed to be an exciting time and yet it is constantly filled with this-that-and-the-other.
So I didn't clean! Big deal. My mother didn't chide me or shake her head in disappointment. I may have to myself as I was leaving but that's another blog for another day.
What this brings me to is the fixation that I must now clean and declutter before I can unpack all those lovely new things. I told you I'm weird.
It is in these moments of compulsion where I can hear Him speaking to me telling me to grow up. Get moving. Get past it. Growing people change.
Ouch.
Do I really think God cares about me cleaning before un-packing (or vice versa)? Honestly, I don't. What I believe He is trying to do is use this as an example of how my thinking this way infiltrates into other areas of my life. Can anyone hear that famous word I've used before? Hello perfection! I thought I was done with you!
Once again it knocks on my door wanting to entertain me. Well, sorry, perfection, but my house isn't clean so bye-bye. And there it is - the catalyst. The action I need is to encourage myself, and I'm doing it. Thank God, I'm doing it.
I just recently filled my favorite planner with my dreams for the year, checking my heart, refocusing, and praying over all those fears I've held to tightly. Motivation is high. But I feel a warning with that motivation: be careful when the season of "new beginnings" becomes old habit. January is ending and February's temptations of laziness, restlessness, complacency, and yes, chocolate are all approaching.
Now is the time to push. Every action needs a push. I love what Hebrews says: "We want each of you to show this same diligence to the very end, so that what you hope for may be fully realized. We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised." (Hebrews 6:11-12)
I want everything God has promised so I can continue to serve others the way He did here on earth. For now cleaning can wait. I have some baggage to unpack.
