If We Saw Souls

"Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good." - Romans 12:9

Well, hello again... It's been quite some time since my fingers have been fueling words for this page... Another goal out the window, but bootstraps and all that jazz, here I am.

In the month of March, I lost both my grandfathers, my parents both their dads. To say the past month has been draining would be being quite generous to it. As my mom aptly put it, "It feels like we've been through the spin cycle." But we're still here... We're all still here.

Though I would never wish the succession on anyone, the past month has afforded quite the observation of grief and remembrance. My grandpas were great men; they taught and passed on many admirable traits, which I have been grateful to see, know, and learn. They were both loving and caring in their own ways and as much as humanity could afford truly tried to be men who loved, protected, and cared for their families. As my text may suggest though, they were not perfect; I had no perfect grandfather. But I found in both eulogies and remembrances; it's by and large the good characteristics that get caught in sieve of memory. Friends and family largely paint their loved  one's best self - likely the person they wished they could  have been on all days, though we only are on our best days.

In one eulogy, a friend said of one of my grandfathers, he's surely in a supervisory role in Heaven as we speak. And that was that grandpa's best side; he was a great supervisor. He organized people, tasks, money, and projects with such ease. Of my other grandfather, his compassion, love for animals, care, and nurture were spoken of frequently - overshadowing his jokes of women drivers and rapscallion songs (neither of which my grandmother would allow in church).

As these things do, all these recollections brought a bitter-sweetness to mind. This was largely at their memory, the smiles and simultaneous realization that there was no more seeing these men on this side of eternity; however, this feeling also arose as I thought of the struggles each of these men faced, the strife I had seen in personal relationships they held, and all the stories that counterbalanced the treasured memories shared to the public. This got me thinking, why do we waste so much time in strife with one another when our time is so fleeting? What would it look like if we saw people for their best qualities, the qualities we believe that will shine purely in heaven, rather than the annoyances, hurts, and shortcomings we so often focus on instead.

There was a quote floating around Facebook sometime ago that said, "If only our eyes saw souls instead of bodies, how very different our ideals of beauty would be." This can be taken so many ways, but I thought of it as I wondered how differently would we treat each other, look at each other, act and react towards each other if we looked for each others' fundamental good before processing the bad, the offensive, the failings. I know some wounds go too deep; I know there are truly some relationships where good cannot be found any longer. I don't in the least point to these relationships; I know it's true that some hurts are too deep to look an offender in the face for some time - sometimes for the rest of time. However, how many times are these "offenses," merely our own insecurities, sensitivities,  "quirks" even, and no real mark on the person's character.

I started to go through my list of acquaintances and think "What do I think they'll be doing in Heaven?" in an attempt to isolate their good. I was amazed by what the change of perspective did for my thoughts and affections towards these people. I think Jesus saw souls. We may never reach his level of identification, but I know for me at the very least, I too often view others through the lense of myself - what they said to me, did to me, how they looked at me, their tone of voice - all just looking for some offense, some wrong against me, but what if I looked for their good, how much would that change myself and our relationship? Wouldn't you like someone to think more often than not of your best self?

In his letter to the Romans, Paul says, "Let love be genuine. Abhor was is evil; hold fast to what is good." As funerals do, this recent succession of memorials made me lament the time I had missed, the opportunities I had missed to know these men, to show I cared, to make memories with them. We are all mixed bags in this life, in time and space, but likewise we all have good to share - somewhere, somehow. We miss so much - too much - if we hold fast to evil, if we ruminate and dwell on the  wrongs. May we hold fast to what is good and find genuine love for each other - while we can.

"Love one another with brotherly affection" (Romans 12:10)

-Sarah

Thirty Day Happenings

This year I told myself I would make change. Sometimes my tendency is to wait things out in hopes that I will be exactly where I want before making true change...you know, change before the change. I know. It doesn't make sense, and my mind is a crazy roller coaster of fun.

Earlier in the year my goal was to take a well-known program consisting of eating whole foods for thirty days and begin my journey to healthy. This wonderful idea was pushed to February due to my "busy" life at the time and not reading the program's book fully. As you can guess I was trying to know the program perfectly (there's that word again) before stepping out into unknown waters. But my plans to read it fully had yet to happen at the end of April. March. It was perfect. I would go into my thirty-third year of life on the whole program of happy eating.

"But what about my birthday. There is cake on my birthday and I must have cake."

I told myself it wasn't fair to be doing something on my special day that would deprive me of all happiness - and it was my birthday, after all.

Shortly after this I decided it would be the week following my birthday. As it got closer I realize it would be December before I truly committed. And really, Christmas is in December so that wouldn't have worked out well. Hello, January. How is 2017 so far?

I did celebrate my birthday - with cake. The following week I was determined that no matter how much I knew and no matter how far I had been in preparing a grocery list, I would not waste any more time. On April 4th I started my thirty-day program.

I'm now on day twenty-two.

Yes, I am happy. Yes, I am proud of myself. Yes, I have felt better everyday, but for heaven's sake all I want is sugar! I laugh about it but the reality is that I am fine. I am great, actually. I have not felt this good in many months.

Over the past few weeks I have received energy in return for skipping desserts, clear minded in return for devouring pasta, and a confidence that no amount of ice cream or Chipotle could give me. In exchange for eating what my body needs and sacrificing some minor delights in life (and yes, reality says they are minor) I am gaining a new confidence and determination to continue this journey to a more healthier self.

For the first time, in a long time, I see hope rising and motivation pushing and encouraging me. That speaks volumes to me, as you may know if you've had a chance to ready any of my past blogs.

Thank Jesus that I can see a future. While this program really helps me understand my body more and works on those areas that will give me a longer physical life, I have seen more growth in my spiritual walk. I've notice how I give Him more credit, more time, and more effort.

Gone are the days of negative talk and self-destruction. Well, almost...one step, one day at a time. I'm closer to God's reality than my own. And I'm happy.

Encouragement for Today

__________________________________________

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, even though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging...

God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day.

 - Psalms 46:1-3, 5

Over the past few months I've been everything but productive. I finally called myself out and stopped hiding my embarrassing issue: laziness. I've been lazy to do anything - work, church, health, relationships...pretty much just life in general. 

I've talked about determination, hopelessness, and what has felt like drowning in a pit. Laziness is among them. I've lacked the motivation and, quite simply put, the energy to get off my feet and start making a difference in my own life.

Over the past couple of weeks this changed. I began to see the areas in my life for what they were - a work in progress. I also began to realize if nothing changed (even if just a little) then I would be stuck like this forever. No growth in career. No healthy life. No confidence. No husband. No kids. Nothing.

So, I stopped planning and started doing. I don't know that I really had a big "aha!" moment but there were certain things that prompted this transition from thinking and planning to acting and doing. 

Once I saw the truth (that I am a child of God, beautifully crafted, and equipped with talents and gifts to share with others) I told myself I wasn't going to give up - at least not without a fight. 

Now that I think about it, I should ask myself the question: in all honesty, would I truly ever give up? 

My answer is no. 

I know better than that. 

It was when I decided to have a yard sale my motivation began. Watching "minimalist" videos on YouTube probably helped too! Cleaning out and de-junking is always a good idea. I told myself it wouldn't be just a simple one either - it would be a major haul. The kind where you end up with less than half of what you began with kind of haul. It sparked a fire and this week I started de-junking more than what I have in storage. 

I decided to de-junk me. 

Where it started was my health. So, for the next thirty days I am eating whole foods and sticking to nutrition that helps my body, not hurts it. 

As for my Spirit, well, that is getting an overhaul too. While its going to be big for me it is also going to be deep. But I have nothing to fear. I know my God will be with me the entire journey. 

For the first time in a long time I can see hope.