by Amy
To start, I will be relying heavily on a Bible study from a wonderful teacher for this post. Beth Moore is, by far, one of my favorites to listen to, read, and go more in depth with the Word. If you have dived into any of her studies you are probably nodding your head in agreement. Some of her studies are deep and others, well...are in intense.
Right now I am working on her study, Entrusted. She is literally taking me on a roller coaster through 2 Timothy, enhancing the scriptures and helping me apply it to my daily life. About every few minutes of a day in the workbook I take a breath and tell myself to stop saying "Woah" and "Wow!"
Today was the fifth day of weekly workbook - studying 2 Timothy 1:15-18. Paul is talking about being deserted by people in Asia. He's then greeted by Onesiphorus who we find out is most comforting, refreshing and nonjudgmental to Paul. He then describes that his friend has not only welcomed him but has actually traveled to Rome and earnestly searched for Paul.
I want to share some of Beth's words:
"Somewhere deep inside of us lodges a longing to be earnestly searched for and found by somebody wonderful. We may try to deny it, outrun it, or anesthetize it. We may keep it well covered, strong-armed, and adequately smothered, but sometimes in the quiet or sometimes in the crowd, this longing still has a way of bubbling to the surface. It's too embedded in our nature to outgrow. Even the psalmist David, the man after God's own heart, grappled with longing.
'O Lord, all my longing is before you; my sighing is not hidden from you.' Psalm 38:9"*
From the first sentence my thoughts went to a personal nature in thinking of a romantic love - one that comes from finding a spouse. Writing in the margin, knowing no one would probably be looking in the workbook, I simply wrote the word "husband." Jesus only knows the longing that has been in and for my life.
Thinking more of her words I knew it extended beyond that of a husband. I could see this reaching into my desire for friendship, family, the workplace, the church...my Heavenly Father.
Her words continued:
"Longing held back from the light of God's Word and left inaccessible to His boundless love have a way of becoming hauntings [Seriously, what is she doing to me?!]. Satan uses them to taunt us with what we don't have, what he insists we'll never have, or what we've lost. What we won't let God access will eventually abscess. In the midst of those often unspoken longings, we yearn to know there are people who'd diligently search for us if we were missing. People who'd swim the ocean to get to us if we were stranded on an island. We want to be worth looking for. Worth not giving up on."*
My stomach turned as I read those words. How true they are, and how true they have felt for many years. How many years have I longed for someone to want me the way she writes?
Beth mentions how we all have had someone in our lives who has told us how much the miss us and want to catch up but then provide excuses as to why they never reached out - the truth of it being they never tried searching.
When did you last feel this way?
Then let this truth she declares be what breaks the pattern of thinking:
"...you have been audaciously searched for and passionately found.
'Lord, You have searched me and known me. You have encircled me; You have placed Your hand on me. This extraordinary knowledge is beyond me. It is lofty; I am unable to reach it.' Psalm 139: 1,5-6
And, while you're at it, don't give up on humanity. There are still Onesiphoruses in this world. Be one until you are found by one."*
I spent a number of years going back and forth with my emotions and longings for someone to earnestly search me out - find me...notice me...love me. The wonderful, brilliant truth is that this longing has already been captured by the love of the One of who first loved me - the One who does more than seek me. He created me. More than simply accepting this truth, I am to own it and live it.
By allowing Him to love me wholly and completely I am a better person to turn around and love someone wholly and completely - my family, friends, future spouse, and everyone in between.
