Comings and Goings

Finding Purpose Through Life's Seasons

By Amy

Psalm 32:8

"The Lord says, 'I will guide you along the best pathway of your life. I will advise you and watch over you.'"

Photo credit: Jennifer Haugh (FreeImages)

When the summer was coming to a close and the weather was playing tag with the changing of seasons I found myself waking up one morning realizing that I hadn't written here in a while. Of course, I was getting ready for work so I had no time to sit and ponder the words I would let pour out of my heart and on to the blog. I did write it on a sticky note and head out the door. I think the sticky note got away because I don't have it anymore and it has been a few months since I've shown my face here!

I'm taking a big sigh and wondering where to start - so many updates and so many things I want to say. The first is simple: I've missed you. 

I don't know who reads this blog and I don't know how many people have clicked to read, but I know there are some - at least one or two people who I have talked to while eating out at dinner with or passing by at church who have mentioned reading the blog. To those people I say thank you. Thank you for being a beautiful, loyal friend. To anyone I don't know I give my most sincere thanks. You and I don't know one another but you have shown an extension of grace by allowing my sweet friend and I to encourage you and speak love into your life. 

When the seasons started changing from pool and tanning days to jackets and rainy weather I realized I wasn't writing much. This seems to be a theme I've had over the past decade or so - good intentions of writing but allowing other things to take priority. My heart is always eager to write but time and capacity always want to creep in and hold my life. What I find intriguing is every time I tend to "lag" on my heart's desires (writing, blogging, etc...) God places people in my life to encourage me in that very thing. Even strangers. 

I took an UberPool to work the other day and found myself being encouraged by the other woman sitting next to me. With the almost forty-five minute drive we shared we found we not only had a lot in common but that we both loved to encourage others. Her name was Amy. By the time I got to work I knew that not only was the weather changing but so is the season of my life. 

I truly believe God prompts the changing of seasons in our lives. Many times I've seen His hand at work. And while I do believe that He can be the one to ignite those seasons, I also believe there are seasons He is waiting for us to be the catalyst. It is almost like a parent watching their child ride a bike: you are right there with them, helping them start out, get going - and you'll do it many times over. But there comes a point they must start on their own. It's up to them to get moving. You are still there and are encouraging them along the way. God is simply telling me that this season of change is from Him but I need to be the one to take action. Move forward and He will direct my steps. I've sang this song for a while, so its up to me!

There are many fun, interesting, and crazy updates I have had happen over the past few months. They will be told, but for now I want to get back on the bike and start pedaling. 

I'm going places, trust me.

Psalm 37:23-24

"The steps of the godly are directed by the Lord. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will not fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand."

The Best Is Yet To Come

by Amy

I'm trying to get in the practice of planning my week every Saturday. Today is the third week I've achieved this goal. I call this success. Now if I can do this for another week I think that means a new habit has formed. Here's to hoping!

One thing I've realized is that no matter how great I set a plan in place, it is the practice that makes progress greater. I've also realized that no matter how much good intention goes behind planning, things can still go awry.

Planning is in my nature. I love the lines, the perfect display of cleanliness...the potential. Organization is key and the thought of it put me in my happy place. I get excited knowing that I have things to do and a time and place to do them. The whole "out of sight, out of mind" thing definitely goes through my mind on a daily basis. Having everything in its place makes me think things are going perfectly well.

The problem with perfection, though, is that it pays no mind to unexpected and untimely interferences. Throw a wrench in the plan and my brain can't take it. This is where I feel God pats my pretty little head and says, "Little girl, little girl, when will you learn?"

I'm sure he gets a kick out of me when life throws curve balls. I'm a hoot.

Over the years I've learned some lessons and overcome a few of my "it has to be perfect" type of thinking. One of these ways is learning it is okay if not everything on the checklist for the week has been accomplished. It is fine if my change of address with the DMV is pushed a day or two. It is fine if the thank you letter is not sent within the first week as per usual etiquette. It is fine if the cleaning of the bathroom has to be pushed to the weekend (It. Is. Okay.)

On a bigger scale, it is okay if the only thing I accomplish this year is getting healthier and losing weight. Why? Because if all I accomplish is being a healthier person then I've conquered the biggest hurdle of my entire life. That's pretty darn amazing. 

It's okay to plan and it is okay that things are pushed to the future, whether they be a little or a lot in the future. Me changing my life is never going to end - God wants me to grow with Him. I love it. And what a relief to know that He is fine with me doing what seems like the mundane life. I have a strong feeling that He would rather I give 100% to one thing than 10% in ten things. He is pleased with my whole heart and whole effort. Thank goodness, because I don't have any more room on my planner...except maybe coffee time!

"Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans." Proverbs 16:3

"May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed." Psalm 20:4 

Cereal Boxes

I poured myself a bowl of cereal recently (at a time that I consider an early morning) and as I set down the box I saw the back of the box with dozens of multi-colored letters on it. I realized nearly immediately I was looking at a crossword puzzle. Beside the letters were a list of questions such as what does the monkey eat with his cereal? and what's the shape of this cereal?

This sight immediately took me to the days of sitting around my kitchen table as a child reading the back of my cereal box, unscrambling letters, finding words, reading jokes. I thought "What happened to the back of cereal boxes?" I thought, "Do the 'back of cereal boxes' still exist?" and then immediately, "Who has time to read the back of a cereal box?"

I had woken up reading that morning, but I was not the simple yet enthralling back of a cereal box, it was the 7 point font, on a 4 inch screen. In the first few minutes of my consciousness, dozens of thoughts, ideas, people, connections jolted to a start as I read or watched or saw the latest happenings of my 900 closest friends. I can only imagine what was actually happening with my neurons. Staring at the cereal box, I saw this glimpse of a simpler life: thinking of only the most pressing things in the morning, slowly thinking of what the day will hold and then waking my brain up by piecing together the food a monkey might like with their cereal or the shape of the cereal and then searching for the answer amidst the multi-colored alphabet soup.

Instead, I wake up to an LED screen and what I missed in Russia, Syria, Brazil, China, you name it, in my 6-8 hours of forced unconsciousness-- feeling left behind before my brain has even realized it needs to be awake.

I  am certainly not the first to write on busy-ness; nor am I the most informed, nor the most profound. I will likely say nothing in this blog that has not been said before; however, I still must ask - what are we doing? One could as what are we not doing, but truly, what are we doing with our lives?

Why has 24 hours become too few for a day? What are we doing that the time we have is not enough?

I don't know that an era of "the back of cereal boxes" ever truly existed. If it did, it seems it would have been something of Mayberry and The Cleavers, but surely life - especially in the Western world, I cannot speak for other parts with any true knowledge - was not always so hay-wire.

Do we really all need to be experts on foreign and domestic affairs; international finance; every major global crisis that arises; all major environmental issues and concerns; domestic and foreign politics; the latest social media trends; the latest #hashtags; #PokemonGO #Rio2016 #win #me; the best vines; that lady with the wookie mask; the happenings of celebrities who live often thousands of miles away; and the best in music and movie entertainment? This does not even mention that we are supposed to pay our bills, eat, sustain relationships and do our jobs. Why do we feel the need to do and be and know "everything."

Who has time for hobbies when mere existing has become a hobby in and of itself?

 We need to be the best friend, best significant other, best employee, best citizen. I think I heard it referred to as a "trophies for everyone" age. But why has this expansion of knowledge caused such an expansion of self importance? Why must we each be the man on the headline, the woman on the Today show, the girl on the reality show, the child in the talent show? We all seek so desperately to be important and to be acknowledge in this generation. Is it that social media has made acknowledgement a norm rather than an honor or highlight? But then you can't hear anything as you try to hear everything. I feel like I end up being (or, rather, feeling like) "nothing" as I try to be "everything."

I fear sometimes that this generation will be titled "The Aimless Generation," losing ourselves while we were standing still scouting every horizon. We are a generation of the wife in Fahrenheit 451, talking to our screens while missing the reality that is all around us. 

I fear the busyness of this generation and its long-lasting effects. I can't quite see what they'll be, but I've seen how destructive the noise has been to my own plans and goals and productivity. I've sought to simultaneously pursue paths A, B, and C because they're all "right in front of me," all to find myself heading down path D or no path at all. What will the larger effect be of an entire generation knowing everything and nothing all at once? -- a world full of "experts," but no one of knowledge. I know it's starting to sound a bit dystopian, but when does it all reach a breaking point? Or does it just sit at the threshold of breaking indefinitely?

I suppose nothing is really so wrong, but one can't help but feel something has been lost amidst it all. Amidst the rush it feels like we lost (or lost sight of) the sweet and sacred things that exist in the quiet.

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe children will be smarter for knowing how to work an iPad before they can walk. "They'll learn much more than I'll ever know." But maybe I'm not, maybe we are missing something.  Maybe we have lost what can only be heard in the quiet, seen in the serene. Maybe one day they'll link this to cancer - it's happened before.

Whether right or wrong, I miss it. I miss the simplicity of the back of cereal boxes. I miss mornings spent with the people around me rather than the ones in my screen. I miss family movie nights uninterrupted by tweets and texts buzzing in and swooshing out. I guess I'm just an idealist.

But, what would happen if we made space for the backs of cereal boxes again? Perhaps we'd find space for a lot more.

Moving On

by Amy

Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. That's the movie my roommate and I chose to watch tonight as a way to bring in a new season of living. Fitting as we both aim to start a new season of hope for the future...our dreams and goals feeling fresh and bright.

We both decided to leave the home we were in after she and I lived there for two and four years, respectively. It was time. We are both in our thirties and in desperate need to slim down on the number of occupants in a household. Since we are already great friends and had a couple of years experience living together we decided to move to an apartment. Best decision ever.

My last night at the old place was not what I expected. I thought I would have moments of memories and tears. Instead I was tired and ready to get out - get the move over with. Believe me, I've had great memories in that house, and met many amazing young women who were in various stages of life. I've enjoyed getting to know people and hear their stories. There were moments of laughter and tears, dinners and first dates, learning of marriage proposals and wedding preparations. So many wonderful memories. But last year I began to realize if I didn't leave I would be stuck in a bubble for several years to come. And that mustn't happen.

This year I vowed to make change. A positive change for my future. I want to be a wife and mother someday and I realized I couldn't do that living there. Sure, other ladies did. But in my heart and spirit I knew it wasn't my story. That's most important: it wasn't my story.

So, I moved.

I've been in my new apartment for two weeks now and I'm loving every minute. Finally, after years of keeping things in storage I've had the opportunity to really unpack and use things I bought over the years but never used. When you have multiple roommates you learn quickly that things can break and if you have something that you consider valuable...you simply put it away!

There were some things I didn't realize I had - other things I remembered and couldn't wait to put on a shelve or in the kitchen.

Already I have felt like a new chapter has begun.

My prayer is that I continue to make changes. One thing to continually remind myself is this: change doesn't happen in an instant. It doesn't happen overnight. It doesn't happen in a week. But I'm on the right track. I'm moving forward and that is something to take with much delight.

There's one to check: moving forward!

Steady is the Course
"But He said to me 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'"
2 Corinthians 12:9

I'm reminded every day that I'm never at the finishing point. Sure, I'll see victories and conquer many obstacles, but my level of achievement only gets bigger - it never completes. Much the same way, my spiritual journey is the greatest thing I'll ever continually work through - no level with Christ is the finish line. 

When I finished the first thirty days of my healthy lifestyle I was proud and content. I was even more excited when I found out the results were more than I had hoped. The following ten weeks were somewhat of a "moderated" version of the thirty days I had experienced. While the first few were not bad I found myself working towards some old habits.

The entire time I knew what was going on - and I knew I couldn't continue. 

Obviously, I still had many lessons to learn. 

Here's to another thirty days. I'm officially a week into it and already seen some not-so-healthy things creep back into my life. But instead of throwing in the towel and saying I need to start over again (which I know would end my going for the typical "tomorrow I start again!") I am only going to continue my towards the twenty-three days I still have left - doing my best work yet.

Why is it lessons seem to never end? Why is it the proverbial 'they' who say you really never say goodbye to temptation for good? 

I don't know, but I do know it will get easier. Call it the silliest (or cliché) thing to say, but I know with Christ in front of me and the Holy Spirit within me I can do this...I'm in it to win it.

The light's still green.

Fear

“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." (Isaiah 41:10)

I recently sat with some friends as we discussed our separate lives. As we talked more and more we identified a recurring theme of fear running through our conversations. We each have obstacles in our life that wreak every shade of fear from giving one pause to terrifying.

“For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” (2 Tim. 1:7) 

I know this verse so well; it’s one I tell myself frequently. But I struggle to practice this truly and not just know it. Sometimes I feel like I’m scared of everything. I’m scared to go forward and scared to go back, scared I’ll fail if I’m succeeding, scared I’ll never succeed if I fail. I will be at a crossroads and scare myself of both paths forward, seeing only the possible monsters ahead, rather than truly seeing and evaluating the paths. And all this really does is impair me, paralyze me. I could be moving forward, moving on with life, but instead I stay in a place of indecision and keep my life from moving forward as I’m stuck in place.

Today I visited a church that is not my normal one and, of all things, the sermon was on fear. The pastor said we are to be people of faith rather than fear. He linked fear to paralysis and negativity.

I have known my fear is a problem, but I had not framed it in such a way that I realized how much it has actually been inhibiting my faith. My very ability to live a faithful life is inhibited by my fear. This is why we are reminded we are given a spirit of love, power, and self-control. With these, we reflect our Father; fear, on the other hand, keeps us in our earthly nature, trying to run our own lives, right where the enemy wants us. 

Very few things in life are achieved by comfort and safety. Acheiving most anything - athletic, mental, spiritual excellence - generally requires sacrifice, hard work, determination, and pain. Athletes injure themselves, and those of spiritual or mental fortitude usually undergo comparable, though not so obvious trials, temptations, and pain. Nothing worth having is easily gained. Every action, of will or body, is a discipline and exercise of a muscle. Faith is not easy, but it moves us forward. From what I've seen, fear keeps us in a place of "survival mode," which will also inhibit all movement and most of our calling.

I have not learned this lesson yet. Truly, I think I’ve probably only opened the syllabus, but I’m starting to understand this verse is not to be taken lightly.  Nothing will ruin our destiny more quickly than fear. If you (like me) struggle with wondering what your future holds, how God might use you, what you’re supposed to do and be, look for your fears. Identify those and you’ll identify where you’re being held back. Push in to those areas in prayer and ask for the power, love, and self-control to overcome them and press on toward the goal. Fear controls you; faith enables you. The Lord your God goes with you and he won’t let you down. Do not Fear.

Long Time No Write

I think it has been somewhere in the range of six to seven weeks since I've written. The guilt is overflowing at this point. I know life happens but I also know how important it is for me to keep the writing flow going.

While there is some guilt, there is also victory. In late April I finally, after an over twenty year battle, took control of my life

...and the funny thing is I didn't know it. 

I heard about a healthy food program a while back and read up on it for months. At last, towards the end of April, I took a step and started the thirty day process. I began it with full force - ready to take down the habits and temptations that had put me in a straight-jacket for most of my life, but especially over the past few years. What I didn't realize was how it would make me feel and realize about myself. 

The first couple of weeks were good - grueling at times, but good. During the third week I started to realize what I could have and it opened the door to many evenings of food experiments. I loved it. By the fourth week I was noticing how other things were changes. Sure, I knew I had lost something (I wasn't weighing myself until the end of the program), but there was a change in areas that had nothing to do with food or weight or anything tangible. I started noticing how God was using that time to speak to me and reveal Himself to me. 

I've always heard that the journey of weight loss brings more than just shedding physical weight. And I knew that God was going to speak to me because I had asked Him to at the beginning. Sure, not everything was perfect. Perfection would have been too much. I just had to focus on one thing at a time. 

This program lit a fire within me to keep going. I didn't want to stop after thirty days. I wanted to find a way to make it last. 

The results? 

It felt amazing. I noticed my energy was great and I didn't walk around work with the groggy, heavy-in-the-head feeling as I was so used to. I didn't feel swellen anymore. I wasn't tired all the time and everything from the inside out just FELT better. Sure, I lost nineteen pounds (twenty-six to date), but I felt healthier than I have in many years. 

But again, while feeling healthier has been great, there is a weight that has been taken off me. I'm shedding the guilt and shame with every pound I lose. 

I told my mother recently that I've always known who I am as a person and as a woman of God. The difference is that I'm finally owning it. I'm finally being the confident woman that God has created me to be. In time, I will shred the shame I've carried with all my flaws and sins for good. This is why Christ says to daily take up our cross and follow Him. 

As my friend says, "It's not a sprint. It's a marathon."

There it is. Hope. 

I have hope again.

 - Amy

Roots

"...so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith -- that you, being rooted and grounded in love,..."

- Ephesians 3:17

"That you being rooted and grounded in love..." I almost always think of this passage in the image of a tree, a metaphor made widely known throughout the Bible; however, it was only recently, at the dentist that I found this verse to hit me with a fresh impact.

I have horrible teeth. However teeth can be bad - soft, sensitive, stained, clenching, grinding - I have that. I truly don't know what all causes them to have such proclivity to all teeth ailments, but nonetheless they have them all. I often brace myself - mentally, emotionally, and financially -- for the dentist, not because I'm scared of dentists but simply because  8 out of 10 times, something is wrong. Nevertheless, for the second to third time in my life, something good came of the dentist recently.

I was sitting in the chair as they took new x-rays. The hygienist noted how my teeth had worn down from the grinding and clenching (a new fun trick I've picked up in my sleep to make my dental history cheaper and more exciting)  but then she said "You have such long roots though. At least you have good roots."

I sat there, with wire contraptions hanging out of my mouth and x-rays beaming into it and I asked her (in some form of English, bordering the bad-cell-reception and gauze-in-the-mouth dialects) "What does that mean?"

She said "You have deep roots. When you have deep roots, that means they're strong roots, so you can sustain impact much longer than if  you have short roots." My first thought was "Thank you God that you made me with deep [dental]  roots. Something is finally good about my teeth."  I immediately thought I could put that crown off a little bit longer cause my teeth could withstand it. But then it clicked, "You being rooted and grounded in love..." "The longer you can sustain impact."

We all face trials and I know for me personally, "consider it all joy my brothers," is not usually the first thing to come to my mind in these cases. But this brief interchange with my hygienist shed a whole new light. Perhaps we experience prolonged trials not because we're being punished or God is trying us, but because he knows how long our roots are and he knows we can sustain the hardship - even if we feel like we're at our absolute end.

Romans 5 says, "suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame." The deeper our roots in him, the more impact we can withstand, thus, the more trials we may see, but this impact, over time, produces hope of all things, which will not fail us.

This seems to me like hope from the strangest of places, but it also gives a new perspective to hope. Hope is not some fluffy, naive thing, but rather the outcome of hard work and strength of character. Hope is belief for things unseen, built by enduring life with the Lord over and over again.

I pray deeper roots for each of you along with myself. May trials no longer feel like burdens but words of encouragement. May we be rooted and grounded. May we have the purest and strongest hope.

If We Saw Souls

"Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good." - Romans 12:9

Well, hello again... It's been quite some time since my fingers have been fueling words for this page... Another goal out the window, but bootstraps and all that jazz, here I am.

In the month of March, I lost both my grandfathers, my parents both their dads. To say the past month has been draining would be being quite generous to it. As my mom aptly put it, "It feels like we've been through the spin cycle." But we're still here... We're all still here.

Though I would never wish the succession on anyone, the past month has afforded quite the observation of grief and remembrance. My grandpas were great men; they taught and passed on many admirable traits, which I have been grateful to see, know, and learn. They were both loving and caring in their own ways and as much as humanity could afford truly tried to be men who loved, protected, and cared for their families. As my text may suggest though, they were not perfect; I had no perfect grandfather. But I found in both eulogies and remembrances; it's by and large the good characteristics that get caught in sieve of memory. Friends and family largely paint their loved  one's best self - likely the person they wished they could  have been on all days, though we only are on our best days.

In one eulogy, a friend said of one of my grandfathers, he's surely in a supervisory role in Heaven as we speak. And that was that grandpa's best side; he was a great supervisor. He organized people, tasks, money, and projects with such ease. Of my other grandfather, his compassion, love for animals, care, and nurture were spoken of frequently - overshadowing his jokes of women drivers and rapscallion songs (neither of which my grandmother would allow in church).

As these things do, all these recollections brought a bitter-sweetness to mind. This was largely at their memory, the smiles and simultaneous realization that there was no more seeing these men on this side of eternity; however, this feeling also arose as I thought of the struggles each of these men faced, the strife I had seen in personal relationships they held, and all the stories that counterbalanced the treasured memories shared to the public. This got me thinking, why do we waste so much time in strife with one another when our time is so fleeting? What would it look like if we saw people for their best qualities, the qualities we believe that will shine purely in heaven, rather than the annoyances, hurts, and shortcomings we so often focus on instead.

There was a quote floating around Facebook sometime ago that said, "If only our eyes saw souls instead of bodies, how very different our ideals of beauty would be." This can be taken so many ways, but I thought of it as I wondered how differently would we treat each other, look at each other, act and react towards each other if we looked for each others' fundamental good before processing the bad, the offensive, the failings. I know some wounds go too deep; I know there are truly some relationships where good cannot be found any longer. I don't in the least point to these relationships; I know it's true that some hurts are too deep to look an offender in the face for some time - sometimes for the rest of time. However, how many times are these "offenses," merely our own insecurities, sensitivities,  "quirks" even, and no real mark on the person's character.

I started to go through my list of acquaintances and think "What do I think they'll be doing in Heaven?" in an attempt to isolate their good. I was amazed by what the change of perspective did for my thoughts and affections towards these people. I think Jesus saw souls. We may never reach his level of identification, but I know for me at the very least, I too often view others through the lense of myself - what they said to me, did to me, how they looked at me, their tone of voice - all just looking for some offense, some wrong against me, but what if I looked for their good, how much would that change myself and our relationship? Wouldn't you like someone to think more often than not of your best self?

In his letter to the Romans, Paul says, "Let love be genuine. Abhor was is evil; hold fast to what is good." As funerals do, this recent succession of memorials made me lament the time I had missed, the opportunities I had missed to know these men, to show I cared, to make memories with them. We are all mixed bags in this life, in time and space, but likewise we all have good to share - somewhere, somehow. We miss so much - too much - if we hold fast to evil, if we ruminate and dwell on the  wrongs. May we hold fast to what is good and find genuine love for each other - while we can.

"Love one another with brotherly affection" (Romans 12:10)

-Sarah

Thirty Day Happenings

This year I told myself I would make change. Sometimes my tendency is to wait things out in hopes that I will be exactly where I want before making true change...you know, change before the change. I know. It doesn't make sense, and my mind is a crazy roller coaster of fun.

Earlier in the year my goal was to take a well-known program consisting of eating whole foods for thirty days and begin my journey to healthy. This wonderful idea was pushed to February due to my "busy" life at the time and not reading the program's book fully. As you can guess I was trying to know the program perfectly (there's that word again) before stepping out into unknown waters. But my plans to read it fully had yet to happen at the end of April. March. It was perfect. I would go into my thirty-third year of life on the whole program of happy eating.

"But what about my birthday. There is cake on my birthday and I must have cake."

I told myself it wasn't fair to be doing something on my special day that would deprive me of all happiness - and it was my birthday, after all.

Shortly after this I decided it would be the week following my birthday. As it got closer I realize it would be December before I truly committed. And really, Christmas is in December so that wouldn't have worked out well. Hello, January. How is 2017 so far?

I did celebrate my birthday - with cake. The following week I was determined that no matter how much I knew and no matter how far I had been in preparing a grocery list, I would not waste any more time. On April 4th I started my thirty-day program.

I'm now on day twenty-two.

Yes, I am happy. Yes, I am proud of myself. Yes, I have felt better everyday, but for heaven's sake all I want is sugar! I laugh about it but the reality is that I am fine. I am great, actually. I have not felt this good in many months.

Over the past few weeks I have received energy in return for skipping desserts, clear minded in return for devouring pasta, and a confidence that no amount of ice cream or Chipotle could give me. In exchange for eating what my body needs and sacrificing some minor delights in life (and yes, reality says they are minor) I am gaining a new confidence and determination to continue this journey to a more healthier self.

For the first time, in a long time, I see hope rising and motivation pushing and encouraging me. That speaks volumes to me, as you may know if you've had a chance to ready any of my past blogs.

Thank Jesus that I can see a future. While this program really helps me understand my body more and works on those areas that will give me a longer physical life, I have seen more growth in my spiritual walk. I've notice how I give Him more credit, more time, and more effort.

Gone are the days of negative talk and self-destruction. Well, almost...one step, one day at a time. I'm closer to God's reality than my own. And I'm happy.

Encouragement for Today

__________________________________________

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, even though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging...

God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day.

 - Psalms 46:1-3, 5

Over the past few months I've been everything but productive. I finally called myself out and stopped hiding my embarrassing issue: laziness. I've been lazy to do anything - work, church, health, relationships...pretty much just life in general. 

I've talked about determination, hopelessness, and what has felt like drowning in a pit. Laziness is among them. I've lacked the motivation and, quite simply put, the energy to get off my feet and start making a difference in my own life.

Over the past couple of weeks this changed. I began to see the areas in my life for what they were - a work in progress. I also began to realize if nothing changed (even if just a little) then I would be stuck like this forever. No growth in career. No healthy life. No confidence. No husband. No kids. Nothing.

So, I stopped planning and started doing. I don't know that I really had a big "aha!" moment but there were certain things that prompted this transition from thinking and planning to acting and doing. 

Once I saw the truth (that I am a child of God, beautifully crafted, and equipped with talents and gifts to share with others) I told myself I wasn't going to give up - at least not without a fight. 

Now that I think about it, I should ask myself the question: in all honesty, would I truly ever give up? 

My answer is no. 

I know better than that. 

It was when I decided to have a yard sale my motivation began. Watching "minimalist" videos on YouTube probably helped too! Cleaning out and de-junking is always a good idea. I told myself it wouldn't be just a simple one either - it would be a major haul. The kind where you end up with less than half of what you began with kind of haul. It sparked a fire and this week I started de-junking more than what I have in storage. 

I decided to de-junk me. 

Where it started was my health. So, for the next thirty days I am eating whole foods and sticking to nutrition that helps my body, not hurts it. 

As for my Spirit, well, that is getting an overhaul too. While its going to be big for me it is also going to be deep. But I have nothing to fear. I know my God will be with me the entire journey. 

For the first time in a long time I can see hope. 

Slipping Away

Romans 8:25 "But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience."

Lately I have felt the pressure of time and circumstances catch up with my mind, body and spirit. Between the appointments, church activities, taking on more responsibility, maneuvering relationships, building dreams, sorting out life questions and attempting to grow with Christ I am finding myself mentally and physically dropping to the floor and crawling into the fetal position - all the while asking, "What am I doing with my life?!" What is my purpose and how do I fit it all in? 

The constant struggle I feel is real. There are days I want to escape and forget it all. Time seems to slip away and so do a plethora of other things. The more I have on my to-do list the more I dream of dropping life and taking the first flight to the beaches of Cabo. Seriously though...I have looked up the tickets...and the hotel...and my PTO bank. Then I quickly realize I have no body ready for beach activities and my confidence level takes a dive and I'm back to the grindstone. 

This is life.

For now, at least. Have you ever felt hope and hopelessness at the same time? The struggle inside is going ninety-to-nothing and you know that life can (should and will) get better but you truly don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Have you ever felt this way, or am I alone? 

Someone asked me the other day if I still had hope. My eyes welled-up and I knew I had to answer honestly. If I was being truthful, my answer was no. Instead of condemning me or going on a "encouragement rant" she simply said it was okay. I felt relief. Like I had permission to feel the way I did. 

I'm slowly finding out that while I feel like everything in my life is slowly slipping away, and I have a great sense of hopelessness, that it is okay to allow those feelings to have their moment. 

But that is all they get - a moment. I know better than to let it sit and stir. I know better than allowing it to take over - it is tricky, yes. But I must not let it take over me and my life. That is where I can sense the hope, albeit it small right now, but it is there.

My birthday is coming up and I am yet another year older. I've decided to take off from work, responsibilities, and life to have a day to rest in His presence, share my thoughts with Him (even though He knows them already), allow my feelings their ride on life's roller coaster...but come out with more hope. Enough hope...for today, at least. I'm going to escape. I'm going to escape everything - it may not be Cabo, but the point is still the same. He wants me and I need Him. What better day to start the process of getting my life back then the day He decided He wanted me to be born. 

There's the hope.

 - Amy

Proverbs 23:18 "Surely there is a future, and your hope will not be cut off."

In the Stars

I looked up at the stars and was taken away by their clarity, every flickering glint, the way each one hung in just its place as though lightly dotted onto the midnight canvas with the finest brush. It was so beautiful, so perfect.

I heard through the silence, "I'm even more proud of you."

__________________________________________________________________________

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful, I know that full well"

- Ps 139:14

May we each have a moment to know "full well" how precious we are, how precisely carved out, how carefully crafted, how beautiful we appear to our creator.

Hope and Despair

"I  believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living!"

- Psalm 27:13

I recently watched a dear friend process the news that one of their closest friends had turned to atheism after a youth of following Christ. My friend mourned. I had no words. I tried - of course -  but what do you say to such deeply painful news. I  do not  know the conversations between God and this person, nor what God sees in their heart or even what is in it - how can I know? So in the face of so many doubts, I simply had to say "It's not the end; he's young. I think there's still hope." In the recent months more than ever I've seen God's character holds such forgiveness.

I do not know what renouncing the religion of one's youth  looks like. I know renouncing religion is not the same as renouncing God, but.. "The fool says in his heart there is no God."

I knew this friend of a friend and can't help but question what happened and what could have been done differently. I think this individual was hurt by many Christians in their life and felt no love in the face of their own honesty. Truly, I can't know what happened in their life, but I do know that I can say, if this were the case - this is unacceptable.

"They will know we are Christians by our love."  It makes me furious to think the lack of love in a Christian turned a seeker away from Christ, when we have received such love and it is our greatest calling!...but maybe that's always what it comes down to. So many outliers feel unwelcome in congregations, feeling like they're not good enough, will be looked down on, will be shameful to the other Christians around them. These impressions lead people to hide their true selves and sometimes even turn away.

I know life is messy.. I know, more than I ever have before, that people are messy, but Christians are not to stand above this in perfection, scorning  the broken world. No. We are the broken world. We are the broken fathers, daughters, wives, sons, sisters, brothers, mothers. We are broken. Though, we are beautifully and mercifully loved in spite of it.

We cannot risk losing anyone in our judgements. Our highest charge is love.

We are not called to lives of sinfulness - lust, drunkeness, slander,  gossip, envy, jealousy - but we are all just as close to it as the person next to us and we are never in the "clear" of these characteristics. If you found yourself living in any of these, would you want to be thrown to the streets, disowned and alone?

Why do it to anyone else then?

We're all broken, but we love and serve a God who comes to heal and make whole. I do not know the fate of the person I call by association my dear friend, but I know, I know, I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living and I hope and pray they do too, that their heart returns to that hope.

In the meantime, Christians, let us love like we have nothing else to give - for really... we don't.

When All Else Fails...

I wish I could say I had a lot to say...but I don't. I honestly don't think I can keep my eyes open long enough to finish this post. It's been one of those weeks. Okay, it's been more like two weeks. 

A while back I had a reaction to something (still trying to figure out what it was) and my skin did not like it. Between my face, neck, hands and arms I felt like I looked and felt like a hot mess. The itchiness alone was enough to make a person go crazy. I went to the doctor after a few days of trying moisturizers (at this point I don't use lotions with fragrance due to an eczema condition - which didn't help my situation). The doctor prescribed a high steroid pill to help me out. Isn't that nice? Doctors prescribing steroids - such a newfangled idea (sorry, is my sarcasm too loud?). 

Sure the symptoms decreased and I started to believe the steroids healed me but soon after I finished the five day dosage I began to not only see the symptoms returning but the side effects  of the pills make their mean and nasty mark on me. So for the last few days I've been experiencing swollen feet, ankles and a couple of other fun things. 

I tease but the reality has been grueling. I've been tempted to go back to the doctor but, among many other reasons (including I'm not liking any of the doctors in this area of the country), I don't want to because I know I'll just get prescribed yet another steroid. And why? 

Why is it when all else fails we turn to Jesus? If I were Him I would be hurt and offended. But I'm not - my finite self can't truly grasp the infinite God that he is. This is why He wants a daily relationship with us. 

If I were to go to my parents and ask anything of them they would work within their power to reach my needs - and neither party would (should) feel guilty. Why? Because we have a strong relationship. I talk to them all the time, know how they react to things, see how they work and love others. I know them. If my relationship with God were as close as my parents I wouldn't wait until things fall apart before turning to Him - He would be the first I look to. 

If I would trust Him first my life would be all the more full...and free of worry.

Matthew 11:28 says, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."

He makes it so easy for us to learn. I love how The Message puts it:

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” Matthew 11:28-30

"Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly." I love how He makes it simple. I'll share more on this later, but for now I'll go to sleep meditating on this and how He longs to lift the heavy load of pain and suffering.

Preparation

"Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won't you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it? For if you lay the foundation and are not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule you, saying, 'This person began to build and wasn't able to finish.'

-- Luke 14:28-31

Well... so much for that February series idea. I did think of this each weekend but.. just didn't follow through. I wracked my brain as to why I was almost hiding from writing and I realized I had, in this regard, as in many others in my life, over-committed. 

The verse above was a focal point of a recent Bible study I was in. I was immediately surprised by this verse; I thought to myself, "where is that written?"

I am not one who is very good at estimating costs. I do no plan ahead well. I am very easily blown by the winds of the night. I really don't make long-term decisions but ones that seeM wise in the moment. As you can imagine... this leads to a few problems... oh, like career plans, life goals, life-long decisions, hopes, dreams, ambitions.. just to name a few. Regarding this verse, which is usually framed  in its context of a Christian being willing to follow through  in his/her decision to follow Christ, I thought of it in its context and realized... I really didn't think out my decision to become a Christian either. I did not count all it would cost and prepare for the pain and losses it would bring. This is the most important decision I've made, but I didn't think long-term. I realized if I could not even think long-term in this, how was I supposed to make any other decision "estimating the costs"?

I knew that lack of preparation in my life was a bit of a problem, but had never realized how much it would come to hinder me. Jesus says, "I have come that you may have life and have it more abundantly" (John 10:10), but we cannot have life abundant without taking a moment to consider what our life is and what we consider God wants it to be.

This is not to say I think everyone needs to have a five year plan, or her life planned from today until they're 80. I don't think everyone needs to know her "calling," or even know what tomorrow will look like; however, there is some long-term planning I think we can all do that will found us in Christ, so that when each challenge or option comes our way, we can know whether it's from Christ or a distraction, whether its true to our core self or against it.

As week after week passed and I had written nothing to this theme I was really looking forward to (the promises of God), I realized I could not just up and write this. With life obligations, work, friendships, and all the other twists and turns, I should have realized I was not going to do an intensive study on the promises of God and write about it each week right after studying it. This was just an unreasonable goal. One of many I make. I can study the promises of God this month and then sift, and reflect, and months from now write on it, but it's not happening all at once - life just doesn't work that way. 

Life takes preparation. This looks different for everyone; for some it's a to-do list, for some it's themes and overarching life goals, for some, it's a detailed calendar, for others just a general idea of their direction; but however you see life (big picture or fine detail), we have to plan according to our character. Nothing just happens, but faithful life abundant is the reason for Christ's existence and is at our fingertips with some cost estimation and long term planning. 

Enough

I am tired.  

Physically, I am drained from busy weekdays and filled weekends. This past weekend I went to New York City. It was a blast. There was food, walking, paintings, coffee, more food and a band of wonderful conversations with amazing friends. I've been to New York City enough now to have seen all the trendy attractions that occupy half the country's population. Tourist season is always in season. As with New York, though, it comes with much physical excursion and, well...exhaustion. At the end of both days my feet were begging for a spa treatment. Still, you can't beat the city. 

Along with the fun-filled weekend my body has also been dealing with many changes and unusual circumstances. One of those was with what I believe was an allergic reaction to an oyster. No, not oysters...oyster. One oyster. I tried it for the first time and lets just say my body told me I didn't like it, not my taste buds. After one oyster I had several days of itchiness and tingling all over, a doctor's visit, and steroid pills. Yes, I'm tired.

Emotionally things have been a little up-and-down. With a new year comes new hope - the feeling of change and a fresh start. For me it also comes with a little anxiety. I get anxious knowing that I need to start again and do it right. With that comes that fear I've talked about before - perfection. I get a month in and I'm saying to myself, "Okay, it's fine that you went the first 30 days just getting back in the groove...you still have the rest of the year." Then February has to kick in and out in what seems like a week. I start wondering when I'll get started on all those amazing plans I said I wanted to do. Worry starts to creep in and taunt me. 

So now I feel like I'm hitting that stage of stress where I have to keep my mind in control of all the crazy thoughts racing through it. I don't want to worry or stress, or even feel defeated already. We aren't even 60 days into the year and I've already felt like a failure. No...this isn't from God. I know it isn't...and I know better than to let my thoughts get that far.

Spiritually. Now I'm getting into the spiritual part of me and the overwhelming feeling that I'm not enough. Not doing enough, not seeking Christ enough, not truly pursuing Him enough. From my thoughts to my prayers all I can do is think about how I'm not measuring up. Then I realize something: with whose measuring cup am I using? Mine...or His?

Christ tells us to pursue Him daily for He is our daily bread. He doesn't give us stipulations or rules to do it - He just wants to communicate with us. If we don't talk to Him how will we know Him? I know my mother (her character, traits, personality, etc...) because I have spent time with her, talked to her, and listened to her. Christ wants to spend time with us, talk to us, and have us listen to His voice. It's not about being enough. It's about being present. 

I am reminded of Philippians 4:13 Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am.

Sometimes I think we trick ourselves into thinking that we have to spend two hours a day in the Word and in prayer. We feel so overwhelmed that we end up not spending any time with our Heavenly Father. He's not asking for the entire day; He simply wants us. 

I once heard a pastor's wife speak at a women's event. She was talking of this very thing and said if we would just start by spending five minutes in the Word and in prayer that was wonderful. Do that for a few days and then you will start to see a difference in your life. Soon you will think to wake up a few more minutes and bump the time up from five to ten minutes with God. Soon after that you are spending 15 minutes. Eventually you will be waking up an hour early because you love getting up and want to have plenty of time to spend with Him. The more we communicate and talk with Him the more we will want to do it. 

Enough is enough. 

The Promises of God

"I will never leave you nor forsake you"
- Joshua 1:5b

For a while now I've been wanting to journal on the promises of God. So often - particularly recently, I've found - one hears pastors or worship leaders say "the promises of God," or, more often, "God has made you certain promises." I was hearing this a lot at my church recently when I thought - "what has God promised me?" I think so often we (especially women) feel promised a husband and/or children, a legacy. For some though it's a career in a certain field, for some a certain position in the world or amongst their peers. I personally found this a very dangerous interpretation of God's promises. I thought to myself that I can't say with any surety that God has promised me a husband or kids, he has not promised me a throne as he did David or even the modern day equivalent; I felt I had very few "promises" of God that reflected future hopes, dreams or endeavours - what my life will look like in five, ten, fifteen, even twenty years. To this day, I feel God has promised me no certain future. But I thought in response to this - I do know God has promised many things in the Bible. He has made us promises, but not such specific promises as "You will have the 3 kids and minivan you've always dreamed of." Instead he promises us something truer, more reliable, and more important; he makes promises to his character - what we can expect from Him, know of Him, believe of Him, what we can depend  to see from and through him.

My goal for the next month is, in my personal quiet time to write down all the promises of God I find as I read through different scriptures. I will have a "promise" journal and each time I come across a promise, I will write it down and I will make nothing more complex than a laundry list of the promises of God I come across. I will not be able to cover them all in this blog, but I will cover the highlights I find. I do this because I want to understand what God really has promised us. In the future, when people say "the Promises of God," I want to have a list in my head to pin this idea to; I want a list of truths that I can point to and say "yes, God has promised me this because he promised it to all whom He loves and who follow Him."

I have trouble with what I will call "minivan promises" -- promises of very specific and material things in this life. I believe this can be quite dangerous thought and hope patterns to believe God has promised a car or a husband, a certain life, or a certain future. I don't know what makes me so wary of these, but I think it's largely that it leads me too close to a "gumball machine" God - I put it in my time and good works and in return I get the life and future I want. Some people don't struggle with this conception of God, but I carry quite a legalistic background and I think I can too easily fall into thinking this story is about my good if I just please God and do good enough. I have to remind myself, this whole universe is about God and his unfolding love, grace, and redemption - there's no way any part is about this one little life, very least my materialistic hopes, dreams and desires.

I don't say this to say one shouldn't have hopes dreams and desires for the future. And I think many times God plants hopes in us. But I personally have to be careful of thinking any thing is promised to me in this life outside of the goodness of God.

I start this series with the verse from Joshua 1, verse 5. Joshua is about to lead Moses's people to the Promised Land [to be addressed later] after Moses's death. God tells Joshua, "Every place that the sole of your foot will tread upon I have given to you, just as I promised to Moses," in verse 3. Verse 5 ends "I will not leave you or forsake you." God does not tell Joshua what his foot will land on, he does not say "You will have 5 acres of rolling hills and 400 acres of flatland and a rushing river through the middle"; He does not promise Joshua things, but he promises he has already given the land ahead to Joshua - He has already made Joshua victorious of the battles ahead of him.

So often, I want God to give me some "spoiler alert" into my life. I think part of me pleads (I know part of me has in the past) "If you could just tell me how this ends [if you could just tell me how this relationship ends; if you could just tell me how this course ends; if you could just tell me why I got this degree; if you could just tell me why I have to go through this painful situation; if you could just tell me why I have to live here so long; and on it goes]," but God did not even tell Joshua why or what, he told him "I have given it to you." In His presence, we have victory. God is not our SparkNotes  or Magic 8 ball. He is not our gumball machine or fairy Godmother, but he promises Joshua [a man taking up the leadership God has bestowed on him and stewarding the task he's been given] " have given [every place your foot treads] to you" and "I will not leave you or forsake you."

There's a song by Janis Joplin that says, "Oh Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz. My friends all have porsches, I must make amends." This is of course sung in a sardonic fashion, but I think too often, as Christians we can get in this mindset without fully realizing we have. Very few Christians would say something so bold as "God has promised me great wealth" or even more caricatured, "God has promised me a Mercedes Benz," but I think we can find ourselves thinking, "God has promised me what will make me happy," and really, how are these statements so different? And the scariest part of this is not even that we think God is some sort of giving tree in this scenario, the scarier part is in this scenario, we are serving God for something outside of God. If we serve God hoping we'll get the latest minivan with individual tvs for each kid, state of the art navigation, and Sirius Radio, are we really serving God or are we serving that minivan? Any time our end goal is outside of God's glory - can we really say we are serving God or are we serving our own purposes and trying to use God to achieve them.

Likewise, I think we sometimes serve our own happiness above God. I think - at least I know for me - I so often make a decision based on my happiness far more than God's glory. I do not do this altogether consciously, but I largely guage things based on their effect on my will, happiness, and well-being. God did not promise our "happiness" any more than he did a Mercedes Benz. But there is something so much more deeply satisfying than human-imagined "happiness" in the promise above. God promises his very self, his presence, his protection, his guidance. Often times, I think I miss that this is the ultimate. God promising his very self to fleeting mortal men is the ultimate promise ever made -- and so much better than any minivan we could ever imagine.

Finding Motivation

A Word of Encouragement

Over the past year I have found it hard to find motivation...for anything in my life. I have prayed for it, tried various ideas - testing some and putting others to the side. Time and time again I've found myself agitated asking the question, "Why?" Why is it so hard to find motivation? Why can't I be encouraged to move forward? Am I really that lazy?

I'm not talking about one area of my life - I'm talking about many areas. The motivation to move forward, deeper, higher, and be focused and clear-minded; I struggle with it all. 

My mother is one of the purest, most innocent women I know. She maintains her gentle, southern nature from when she was a young Texas-raised girl to the godly, Bible-speaking woman she is now. I love her enthusiasm for Jesus and His words. The Bible is in her like the air she breathes. It is quite an honor to call her my mother. She has always been the encouraging type. The kind of mom that saw beauty when I saw the ugly, the character when I saw the surface, and the potential when I only saw what was in front of me. Still, just as her precious nature was present, so was (and still is) her boldness. She has never been afraid to tell it like it is. When I would talk negative about myself she was always the first to put me in my place. "That's not what Jesus says about you...You know better than that, you are fearfully and wonderfully made...stop saying it is hard, it is easier than you think...you have to make the decision."

Once of the things I remember her telling me growing up, and even today, is that I have always been a determined woman. When I set my mind on something I am determined to see it through. She has had the confidence for me at times, when I didn't have it for myself. What a wonderful woman. 

I have to admit: I haven't believed it very much. 

Sure, there have been occasions I believe it, and put it to the test. But while my mom has always seen it as a character trait in me, I have seen it as a playing card I have used from time to time. I've never owned it - as a part of me - as something He has placed in me. 

Finding motivation is hard for me. The idea to my left or idea to my right has never motivated me enough to sink in to my lifestyle. The older I get, the harder I am on myself. It's as if I get anxious - like I am running out of time. Running out of time. That's a thought. 

Just recently I started listening to Steffany Gretzinger's album The Undoing. I've come to tears many times. The words of her songs can grab your attention and bring you to your knees before Jesus. If worship music does one thing to me it is this: it moves me...motivates me. I didn't realize it until recently, but it does. I am getting there and I'll take whatever God will use to get my mind,  my heart, and my spirit in the right place. 

I may not be fully there yet, but I believe it is just a matter of time. Maybe it will take listening to music like Steffany Gretzinger more often. The important thing is that I lay aside those feelings of anxiousness and fear. 

Remember to allow Christ to fill you up in those moments - those moments of fear and worry. Allow Him to figure out the timing. The details. It isn't our job to figure those things out. He just wants us. He is jealous for us. In His perfect time I will have more than enough motivation to move forward. I will do my part and let Him do the rest.

That I am simply learning to trust in Him and give Him my time and heart is just that: moving forward.

A Content New Year: Joy

"I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living!"

- Psalm 27:13

I was sitting around the table talking about New Years resolutions with my housemates. I said I hadn't really made any because too many years I've made resolutions only, like so many others, to see them broken months, weeks, days, (minutes) later. One of my roommates said to me - "Whatever happens, just be happy." A guest who was over then chimed in "I was going to say something just like that!" At first I was a bit offended by this, but then it sunk in to me... "My roommates haven't really seen me happy that much." My housemates have seen me deliberate endlessly over choices, they have seen me act kindly, they have seen me sad, but I realized joy is not really something I had really practiced around them. I was then - of course, the irony - so sad at realizing I was not (am not) particularly joyful. I rarely just exhibit joy.

This conversation was about 3 weeks ago now. Since then, I've found myself musing on the Joy of the Lord. Life is hard. Life is hard. People cheat on you, people lie to you, people gossip about you, people laugh at you, people hurt each other - physically, mentally, and emotionally. Life is wearing and there is a force in this earth that seeks to destroy us, it seeks to chip away at everything good and happy and pleasing. It seeks to kill and destroy. But that is not the end; the story doesn't end there. There is joy and hope and laughter and sunshine. And in the balance, I think there is contentment. Contentment is not just a "meh," state though. One does not just say, "well, life is just always going to be awful" and consider oneself content. Contentment - I think - is joy amidst the hardship, joy in all circumstances, despite all circumstances.

James says, "Count it all joy my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds..." I know this verse is well known to most everyone in Christian circles, no matter which words are italicized or honed in on; however, I think this is some key to contentment because the truth is, trials vary in shape and size, even in hardship I would posit, however, I believe they always exist in this life. At nearly every moment someone is going through some trial, perhaps its so small as running late to a meeting, perhaps its so big as a death of a family member or friend or a spouse leaving, but in each of our little "worlds" we are constantly in trial. If we can truly take up James's charge, to consider it joy to experience these and thus to experience joy in these things, I like to think that perhaps then we find contentment.

We live in peace because the Lord has joy in us always and he imparts that joy to us to endure this life until we reach him. We live in joy because we are the Lord's and no matter what this life throws at us, we are loved and accepted and wanted by a perfect Father. If I could remember that everyday rather than focusing on minutia, maybe I would understand contentment a bit more.