When Things Get Difficult

by Sarah

I started to write this post in April of this year and life has only gotten more difficult since. 

The first week of COVID-19 didn't feel all that unfamiliar to me. I have worked from home full time for the past two and a half years and have had many days where I go straight from the bed, to my computer, to the stove, to the dishwasher and back to bed. For others I would imagine the first weeks were also something semi-familiar. 

I grew up hearing the phrase "I could stand on my head for that long," and I think we all expected this to be something we could proverbially stand on our heads for at the outset. We heard "prepare for the worst" and by default we all stocked up on toilet paper, like a hurricane was going to come through and we might need to bunker in our houses for a week. We grasped for familiar and I think in the first few weeks we all found it. 

But then it all continued. Church services were cancelled through Easter, schools cancelled through the rest of the 2019-2020 school year. All websites of local eateries and coffee shops read "until further notice...". And the indefinite nature of our current circumstance became apparent.

We're now at the beginning of the 2020-2021 school year and the indefinite continues. Schools wrangle with whether to open or not, tens of millions of jobs have been lost, the politicians fiercely debate mail-in voting in November, there are daily debates of whether masks work or not, and everyone has more time than ever to think about it all as most people sit at home alone or with their families with nothing but some news of the present despair to keep them company. The proverb "things can always get worse," seems to prove itself daily and I think it has become largely apparent that we are not "weathering this storm," but the storm is weathering us and everything will be different once there's finally some vaccine, some surety of protection, safety, control. We're all taking a journey we didn't choose. There is no longer "back to normal" but there is now "another side" of this, there will be rebuilding to be done after it has been controlled.

The uncertainty gets to me every day -- some days more than others. I hate not being able to just make plans. I hate the lack of control. Before the coronavirus we had created a life that felt so controlled. Our schedules, our plans made us feel at the helm of our lives. But this virus has brought down with crushing weight the reality that we are not in control at all. How sad, right? ...But is it? Was I really doing the best with the control I had? With our control, do we just stay in jobs that don't fit us in order to take fancy vacations? Do we buy houses we can't afford for the pride they give us? Enroll our kids in more activities than can be driven to in a week to feel accomplishment, to feel "busy," really driving both parties to distraction?

I've read and listened to a few pieces lately, one of which was the TED talk by Kate Bowler, the author of Everything Happens for a Reason: And other Lies I've Believed and after listening to that I do agree we probably can't all expect God to make things just peachy after this. This might not turn out for all of us like life did for Job, with all our investments, houses, families, being multiplied a hundred fold after the pandemic. There may very well be no sunny side of the street for this. Maybe bad things do just happen. But, I cling to the belief that God is Good. As C.S. Lewis's famous statement of Aslan "He's not tame, but he's good," our perfect life may not be on the other side of this pandemic, but that doesn't mean God isn't good. 

When we had all the apparent control, we might have felt good, at peace, we might have felt as if we were the "masters of our fate," but things still weren't good. Precious species were being killed off at record rates, there were reports that our climate was being destroyed at drastic rates, people were being sold in to human slavery, domestic violence still occured, hate crimes still occured. It sometimes feels like this is the worst thing that has happened to the human race in our collective consciousness, but is that just because it affects us all daily where the endangerment of polar bears and sun bears didn't, where the domestic abuse in our community didn't, where our separation from our food sources and mass slaughtering and mistreatment of animals for quick easy meals didn't? Life was not "good" before this, our economy might have been good but the world was not. 

One who really cares for animals might be just as indignant that God hasn't stopped the swathes of species from being destroyed as someone else is now that He didn't stop the pandemic because they lost their job. This world is not "good" inherently, we are not, sadly, but God is. There are threads of good that we can find and tug on because of Him. 

The world has not gone to Hell in a hand basket just because of the coronavirus. It is a new challenge; it has stopped the human race in its tracks for a moment, but this is not the end.

Find where God is. Go there. I hope each of us who seeks it finds it and finds peace there. 

Life will be easier again some day and I hope that means it's better for the whole earth not just the human race. 

Take courage. Follow the light. It's still out there. There's still good to be done.

-----

P.S.

When I was looking for photos for this post, I searched for "darkness" and realized in all those photos emphasizing darkness, the darkness was only apparent because of contrasting light. We only know darkness because light exists. It's still out there, even if it feels like you can't see it, you actually know all the darkness you're experiencing because of it. We know darkness because we know light.