A New Season

by Amy

Last Thursday I was gathering my personal items from my desk and as I went to log off my computer I realized it would be the last time. That's when I lost it. Every moment before then I kept it together. Every goodbye and every thank you was dealt with some amount of control. It wasn't until I was alone and pushing the chair in when the overwhelming bittersweetness of it all made me cave. 

After seven and a half years I closed a chapter of my life for a new one. I came to Georgetown University seeking one thing and left with something else entirely. Personally, I think it is funny how God will allow us to head in a direction thinking one thing only for Him to show us something completely different. He did it with my graduate school experience and He did it again in my career at Georgetown. This time, however, I think I had more grace than before. In graduate school I questioned Him, got angry a few times, and doubted myself beyond what I should have. This time, however: this time.

Ten years after graduate school and I am smiling at Him, nodding my head in understanding, and thanking Him for the lessons learned and the journeys travelled. Nothing is in vain and nothing is wasted when He is put first. This time around I also left doubt behind. As I walked off the campus for the last time I knew I was leaving the doubt I carried with me for so many years. I'm not walking into a new season and chapter of my life not knowing if it is the right thing to do. I'm walking into it with confidence that God is pleased with the next step - the next goal. 

I've been hearing a lot about taking next steps lately. Maybe it is because of my personal walk with the Lord right now, but it has me acting on things rather than contemplating them and then walking away. 

There is a devotional book I've been working through lately called "100 Days to Brave" by Annie F. Downs. I'm not much into daily devotional books but this one called my name when I heard about it so I picked it up at my nearest bookstore. Every day Annie leaves you with some words of encouragement and a challenge of some sort. I started taking her words to heart and the challenges seriously. The day she challenged me to do something brave was the day I decided to apply for multiple jobs. 

Here's the thing: for the first time in a long while I applied to jobs that I am passionate about pursuing; careers that I can see myself moving forward. What am I passionate about? What do I really want to do with my life? How many times have I heard these questions? Well, here is my answer:

I am passionate about Jesus. He is the breath that I breathe and the song in my heart. My love, my desire and my heart belongs to Him. I fell in love a long time ago when I was a teenager and that love has only grown over the years. I love Him so much that I want to pursue His work and bring it to others the rest of my life. I desire others to know Him like I do and even better! I want them to experience the Jesus that has been constant and steadfast in my life and watch Him do it in theirs. 

With that passion driving me, I applied for a job at a place I've admired since before it was even built in Washington, DC in 2017. After three weeks of phone calls, interviews and negotiating, I was offered the job as an executive assistant at the Museum of the Bible. To say I am excited (and nervous) is an understatement. I am thrilled to be heading in a direction that, as I've been hearing from those I've told, "sounds like me." It does sound like me. Helping others understand the Bible and its infallible Truth is exactly what I love to do. This is the right thing for me, and it is the next chapter of my life. With Jesus by my side, I know I the risk I am taking is completely worth it.

I was encouraged to create a mission statement for myself years ago and I finally made one. It goes something like this:

To encourage and support others in their faith and God-filled purposes through words, actions and the written word. 

What is your mission statement? If you don't have one I encourage you to build one and write it somewhere you can see every day. It has helped me so much!

Cheers to sweet chapter closed and a new one starting. Thank you, Georgetown University, for all you have taught me. Thank you to my friends who have encouraged me to pursue my heart's desires (you know who you are). Thank you to my family who have been my biggest supporters and truth-tellers. You have all said and done more to make a difference than you will ever know. Thank you, Jesus, for showing me that I don't have to carelessly leap, but rather take one step with hope and trust that You are showing me the next step when I do. 

Making Lists

by Amy Botello

I'm currently sitting at my table with a pile of books, journals, planners and papers (oh, the papers) by my side. I keep thinking, "I will get this all sorted, done, and off the list."

This list I'm referring to happens to be called, "Amy's Big and Never Ending List of Things to Do." We all have one. It may look different for each person but it is there: in your head, on a piece of paper, in a planner, or on your phone. 

This summer I've been learning a lot about the enneagram: a number-based system to designate various personality types. With nine types of personalities (i.e., The Achiever, The Peacemaker, The Challenger, etc...) you can learn a lot about how we connect in our relationships with one another. Annie F. Downs' podcast "That Sounds Fun" has a summer series dedicated to discovering these types within the enneagram and how God can use these traits to better our relationship with Him and others. So far, I've identified as a four: The Individualist. One thing to remember: all of this is meant to be a tool - not a firm identity label.

After listening to Annie F. Downs' podcast on these different numbers one thing I heard a lot of her guests say is that they are list makers: they love to check things off the list. There is satisfaction out of creating a list, looking at the to-dos physically, and achieving them one-at-a-time.

I found myself getting a little anxious every time I would hear others talk about their to-do list. I like to make lists, for sure. In fact, I LOVE to make lists. However, I make them constantly, and while I get that same satisfaction out of crossing things off it, there are many things that tend to get transferred from one list to another. I ask myself why I simply can't stop procrastinating and just get the job done? This goes for both big things in my life to the small, "it-'s-just-an-Amy-kind-of-thing" task.

For example, I've been needing to make some phone calls regarding my school loans for quite some time now. Why do I procrastinate over this? Yes, we can all agree this is a task that is daunting: no one likes to deal with their loans. Can I get an amen? As a result, it gets put onto next week's list. 

Just the same, I have smaller things in life that get put off, like my desire to create playlists on my Spotify account so I can enjoy my music better. I've been putting it off for about a year now....or maybe two. 

Why do things get pushed off? Is this an enneagram four thing? Why do I get anxious when I hear so many others who love making lists just like me? What's the difference between me and them? Am I alone in my frustration with never-ending lists?

After I took some time to pray and listen to the Holy Spirit, I realized why I became anxious when listening to others talk about their lists: it was because I assumed they were able to get it all done...and quickly. The reality is that they never said they got it all done - they just said they loved checking things off the list - just like me. I just believed they accomplished it all. 

The anxiousness came from my own feelings of not feeling good enough, not achieving everything, not doing it all within a day or week, and even the guilt and shame from scratching it all out and starting over. It is a four thing (sigh). 

Proverbs 21: 5 says, "The plans of the diligent lead surely to abundance, but everyone who is hasty comes to poverty." 

In cross-reference, The Message states it like this: "Careful planning puts you ahead in the long run; hurry and scurry puts you further behind."  

I use a commentary by Matthew Henry to further examine this scripture and I love what he says:

If we would live plentifully and comfortably in the world we must be diligent in our business, and not shrink from the toil and trouble of it, but prosecute it closely improving all advantages and opportunities for it, and doing what we do with all our might; yet we must not be hasty in it, nor hurry ourselves and others from it, but keep doing fair and softly, which we say, goes far in a day. With diligence there must be contrivance. The "thoughts of the diligent" are as necessary as the hand of the diligent. 

Diligence, by its definition, means "careful and persistent work or effort." Contrivance, by its definition means, "the use of skill to bring something about or create something." 

Put it together: We must be careful and persistent in what we are working on but it requires using our skills to make it happen. 

At the end of the day this has given me peace about these lists that I make. Yes, they are important. Procrastination on a bigger level is not the best - but when prioritized correctly, it brings peace about the small things that aren't necessary for the moment. Instead I can be okay pushing the unimportant things a little further to do what is necessary with careful consideration, using the skills and gifts I have to make whatever I'm doing better. 

It may be a "four thing" to dive into these things so deeply and feel a sense of comparison or envy, but it taught me what I need to do to get the job done and find peace: stop, regroup, focus, listen and do - in that order. 

Perhaps we can give ourselves a break when some of those things on our lists get pushed to another list. It is okay if it all doesn't get done in a day, week, or even month. While it is nice when it does get completed like we wanted, we can give ourselves some daily doses of grace when it doesn't. Remember diligence: careful and persistent. Take a breath, friend. You are not alone. 

Re-newed Beginnings

By Sarah

Sitting here again feels strange. I feel "rusty" at this. My brain darts to and fro as I try to quiet it to create a concise message here; I'm far out of practice. But time to get back in shape, brain.

As I prepared to sit down and write this I was filled with anxiety "It's been so long. I just fell off last time. I'm just so inconsistent." But you know, none of that really matters. As Amy said in her post, we felt called to do this, to find our voice, to stumble our way through what we felt was a mutual calling and here we are again... and again and again, and I think that matters much more than all the failures.

Amy and I started this blog in 2016 with so many goals. We planned to post weekly for a year to exercise what we felt was a calling. Shortly into this commitment - just a few, maybe only a couple of months - life got "busy" (as it always is) and rather than writing weekly, I missed a few weeks and quickly fell into a weekly habit of beating myself up rather than writing. Rather than spending the remainder of the year practicing writing, I spent the remainder of the year shaming myself for not meeting my commitments. This shame seeped in to my relationship with Amy. I told myself she couldn't really forgive me, she couldn't really be OK that I wasn't meeting these commitments I'd made with her. And for a while I almost hid from the relationship, feeling this shame every time I'd reach out or she would. I feared my shortcoming would be brought up and I'd be flooded with the shame, so I avoided situations where the topic would be discussed. Any time I just wanted to talk with a good friend I had a hesitation because I hadn't written in months.

And then my wedding happened.

In and amongst all these shame fests, I processed getting engaged to my then long-time boyfriend. Since we had been together so long we wanted to make it a short engagement. (Oh how naïve we were…) About 2 months in to this planning I was still low-level ridden with guilt about not blogging, but distracted by the monumental task I had signed up for in planning a wedding - overseas - in 4 months. It was at this time that Amy and I met up. She gave no slights about how long it had been since I had written, there was no shaming at all, and instead she said the doors had been opened for her to come to my wedding and she asked if there was anything she could do to help. I can't tell you the relief I felt at this get-together. I was anticipating a detailed review of my shortcomings - as I had regularly been subjecting myself to - but instead she diverted the attention from my shortcomings and offered her aid in a completely new area where I was clearly crippling under the weight of this work too.

I am prone to hyperbole, but it is not hyperbole to say Amy saved the day. She brought sanity and organization and energy to my fatigued and overwhelmed mind. I unfortunately lacked the decisiveness to hire a wedding planner and she came in and stood in the gap - and it was quite a gulf of a gap. She showed such incredible grace and friendship. So much about this reminds me of Jesus. I'm busy listing off my shortcomings to Him while I think He's probably just trying to break in and divert me in a new direction and help me get some stuff done in this short life.

After the wedding I worried yet again that Amy would not like me -- this time not for the blog but for all I had asked of her for the wedding. I was ashamed of what I felt was taking such advantage of a friend, of demanding so much. I found myself wanting to hide again. I wrote her a long obsequious thank you and would reach out occasionally to see how she was, but I felt again and again, a voice, an inkling saying she wanted nothing to do with me, I had been too selfish, too demanding, that I was no longer deserving of her friendship; I had asked too much.

At some point Amy told me her impression of my wedding, that she had had a wonderful time and would do it all over again. And something finally changed… I believed her. I believed she was actually my friend; I believed she had actually had a good time on the planes, trains, and automobiles to my wedding; I believed it was actually her pleasure to help; I believed she truly didn't hold it against me that I fell off the blog bandwagon; I believed all her grace was real and I could actually accept it.

I feel a little awkward sharing all of this; it feels like I'm sharing my "crazy" with the world, but I don't think I'm the only person who suffers from these thought patterns and I write in case I'm not. I write to be honest and vulnerable about the lies we hear that attempt to prevent us from living fully - living abundantly. Lies that tell us we don't belong, we don't deserve, we're unworthy and unlovable. I spend a lot of time fighting these thoughts - too much time -- but I need to hear and hope some of you do too that they're flat out wrong.

In the time between my last post and this - some 2-3 years - I've become a big fan of the writer and actor Lin-Manuel Miranda - creator of the Broadway musical Hamilton. He published a book of daily encouragements that he posted on Twitter. He describes this book as things he needed to hear himself that he wrote to everyone else. He has one daily poem that says

"Gmorning.

I don't know how to tell you this,

but

you're not perfect.

You never will be.

You keep growing and messing up 

and learning,

and your quirks become strengths.

You are SO much better than 

perfect, love."

I don't know Lin-Manuel Miranda's affiliation to God - if any - but I hear God in this, even if unintentional by LMM (my lazy shorthand). I think God sees us as so much better than perfect through His son and His love for us as His children. It has taken me - and still takes me - a long time to understand God's overwhelming love for us. I can't accept it often, only seeing my failures. I focus on my shortcoming and mistakes, diminishing anything going well or any gift from God to focus on what went wrong or where I can improve. And it may feel like we could always be doing something better, something more, but at our starting point, we are better than perfect in God's eyes. I think if I saw the success I am in God's eyes every day, that before I've done anything, before I've taken a step out my front door, before I've even opened my eye lids in the morning, I'm already perfect, I think I'd have so much more confidence to follow His callings.

To re-enter this blogging, I'm going to write a series of blogs on "speaking life" over situations to combat the lies we hear. I'm going to attempt to examine a healthy balance of criticism and appreciation. Like Lin-Manuel Miranda writing daily encouragements he needed to hear, I want to examine a critical mindset in the light of God's grace to examine the balance of critique and gratitude, because I desperately need to find it in order to hear and see truth. I hope this means something to you on the other side of this screen too.

I may not be the most structured in posting -- practicing Grace. I can't guarantee when I'll post, it certainly won't be an "on-the-dot" routine, but I'll share as soon as the thought is complete :) 

Looking forward to speaking with y'all again. It's good to be back.

With love,
Sarah

Greetings from Grace

It's Been a While

by Amy

Last year I had one of the most amazing opportunities of my life: I was invited to my dear friend’s wedding…in Scotland. Sarah and Alban were set to get married in May and I was ecstatic. When God started setting things into motion for me to go I couldn’t wait to tell Sarah. After catching up with her, I asked her if there was anything I could do to help and was honored when she said yes and let me join in the planning. That was the beginning of one of the most favorite adventures of my life. 

The time came and I travelled every possible means of transportation to get to the venue which sat on a small island off a bigger island...off the mainland of Scotland; planes, buses, trains, ferries, and running…lots of running! Nothing will beat the feeling I had after I had made my destination, ate my first meal, and walked the quiet countryside back to where I would be staying with Sarah and her friends. The feeling was bliss.

Weddings take so much out of people – both the planning of it and act of going through it. While I know Sarah had her share of lists and things to do – I considered it a joy to help as much as I could. I’ve told her this many times, but helping her with her wedding was so much fun. Even in the midst of all festivities and preparations I had so much time to take in the beauty of Scotland.

When I came home I immediately wanted to get back on a plane and go back. I would do all the lugging and running and ferries back-and-forth again and again. Scotland is calling me and I intend to answer it sooner rather than later.

Sarah’s friendship has meant so much to me. Just as the trip was unforgettable, so has every moment of our friendship been memorable. However, since Scotland I’ve felt an even closer connection with her. Life events bond people closer together and it is true for us. She is a forever friend.

Life for the both of us has been busy, but it doesn’t matter how much time has passed since our last conversation, we can pick up from where we left off and be right on track with one another. I love that about our friendship. If our last conversation stopped mid-sentence, we'd pick it up the moment we answered a text, call or Skype date. Tea in hand, we laugh and encourage one another.

Writing on this blog feels the same. Just as we can start conversations as if we are picking up from the last one, so we want this platform to be with you.

When we asked each other how we felt about the blog and where we stood with it the feeling was mutual: we can't give up. It’s time to write again.

We are a couple of forever friends who live miles away from each other and have a love for writing. And while we are still attempting to figure out life and the joys and struggles it brings, we have a common passion for the written word and for the biggest love of our lives: Jesus.

We began this writing platform as a means to get our voices out there, or rather find them. Shy, unsure, and in many ways unready, we thought by starting a blog we would be exercising our faith in God, using what seemingly small voices we have to encourage others to take a daily dose of grace and pursue purpose. We wanted to take it day-by-day and hoped that we could be used for His glory no matter how imperfect our walk with Him. Also, to know that not one thing has to be perfected in us in order to start that journey towards purpose. Again, accepting those daily offerings of His grace.

Because of this we know we need not be perfected before He uses us. God uses those who are called according to His purpose (not ours) and because of our love for Him, He will make these imperfect things in our lives good and abundant.  

There is so much to catch up on, friend. So many stories, updates, and encouraging thoughts. I sincerely hope we can get some tea and start talking. I'll make the scones.